“Let’s get right to it,” said my naturopath. “You have Chronic Lyme Disease.” Words I’ll never forget. Words that took close to a year to hear because our country doesn’t acknowledge this illness.
After eight months of symptoms (by then, they added up to twenty-seven), a specialist shrugged and told me to get tested for iron and calcium.
He was wrong. So wrong.
Lesson number one: You have to be an advocate for your health.
But I will admit something. I asked for it. In Hawaii, walking through a labyrinth, I asked for it. I’d been piling on everything for years. Homeschooling my boys, running successful businesses, volunteering, keeping a sane household. I could do it all, but I had lost my purpose and direction by doing it all. I had lost my way. And so I asked the gods as I sat in the middle of that labyrinth in Hawaii to show me what I needed to do. Where I was supposed to be. That’s where the age-old saying comes into play.
Lesson number two: Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.
With every week, my symptoms worsened. Since Chronic Lyme isn’t recognized in Canada, there is no set protocol for healing. Once diagnosed, my naturopath loaded me up with over 250 doses of supplements and tinctures every day. I was a slave to my alarm for the perfect timing of each dose.
Lesson number three: Work with your body, not against it.
I was bedridden for many days from the pain and exhaustion, combined with the neurological symptoms, trouble speaking and recalling, and a host of other symptoms that brought my entire life to a halt. I let go of my businesses and removed social media from my life. My husband took me for daily walks to the mailbox (around the corner from our house) because that’s as far as I could go due to pain. But I had to surrender for healing to take place.
Lesson number four: Disconnect from the world and go inward for healing.
Six months after starting treatments, I felt like things were getting worse. I was brought to my knees, begging for a way out, wondering how a person could ever be cursed with a body that refuses to free her from the agony.
It was a cold night in November when I felt myself starting to leave my body. An experience I’ll never forget. I struggled with intense pain, feeling close to death, and laid in bed with my eyes closed. I felt myself slip downwards, my truest essence pulling away from this useless form I called my body.
But as it happened - just as quickly as I surrendered - I fought. A voice in my head screamed that I wasn’t done. I needed to remain here despite the pain. Despite the agony. Despite the feelings of worthlessness and burden.
I gasped a breath. Back in my body. I called, with a weak voice, for my husband. He carried my shaking body outside at my request, where light snow had covered the ground, making the darkness feel welcoming. I stood in the snow-tipped grass in pajamas and bare feet. I stood there, held up by my husband, and tried to breathe through shaking teeth. Not from the cold but from the fact that I had pulled myself back into the body that nearly gave up. And even though my head wanted to, my heart begged for more. It promised me more.
Lesson number five: You are the strongest person I know.
Over 300,000 new cases of Lyme are diagnosed in the US each year. That’s more than breast cancer and AIDS combined. It’s one of the most misunderstood and controversial illnesses. Tens of thousands of people get misdiagnosed with chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, MS, and other illnesses because Lyme is the greatest imitator. It imitates a whole host of other diseases.
It took another ten months of treatments to get to remission—eighteen months of treatments in total. Just over two years since the initial symptoms of the illness stole my entire life from me. And though my body made things worse after my near-death experience, I still pulled through. Because there was more.
Lesson number six: There’s always more. There’s hope. There’s a life that is calling you to experience it. Another season to witness. Another bloom to unfurl.
At the time of writing this essay, it’s been one year since my last flare of life-stealing symptoms—almost one year since I was officially in remission. While I might get a manageable symptom or two the odd time, I’m here. And I’m thriving. I can walk to the mailbox and then walk another 10k steps. Every single day.
Lesson number seven: You can do anything, including healing yourself.
Now my days consist of living my best life as a writer. Conjuring stories I share with the world. A place I imagined only in my wildest dreams but was always 'too busy' to do.
The biggest lesson I received from surviving Chronic Lyme Disease: sometimes you have to strip down to nothing in order to find out where you're supposed to be.
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